ANGER AND FORGIVENESS

."Don't let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly"(Eph 4:26).

One of the biggest barriers to forgiving those who have hurt us is our unresolved hurt and anger. More often than not, where there is hurt, there is anger. Both need to be resolved.

Unresolved or buried anger is extremely destructive. This is why the Bible teaches us to resolve it as quickly as possible. Unless we do, it can turn into resentment, bitterness, hostility, and even rage if enough of it is bottled up for long enough. It is destructive to our physical, emotional and spiritual health. It is also very damaging to relationships and can lead to deep depression. Being angry is not sinful. It is how we handle it—or fail to handle it—that is either right or wrong, creative or destructive. No matter what the other person does to me, my anger is always my issue and my responsibility. Nobody makes me angry without my permission.

Anger needs to be directed to its source and felt and expressed (not just talked about) in creative ways. Wherever possible it pays to express these feelings to the one who hurt us remembering always to "speak the truth in love"(Eph 4:15). Where this isn't appropriate or possible, we can write out our feelings as David often did in the Psalms, read out loud what we have written, and then burn or throw away the copy. Or we can express these painful feelings to a trusted friend or counselor. Whatever we do we need to express them creatively and get them off our chest once and for all. This then clears the way for forgiveness; for as long as we nurse grudges and "sit" on our anger, we can never genuinely forgive anyone.

As Paul said, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger!" Don't sit on it. Don't deny it. Don't bury and don't repress it. Express it in healthy ways. And remember, what we fail to talk out creatively we will inevitably act out destructively in one way or another.

This is my prayer: Dear God, when I feel angry, please help me to express it creatively without blaming others for my reaction. And help me always to speak the truth in love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer.

From,

Opara Ethelbert O.

Ikeja, Lagos,

Nigeria.

WHY AM I AFRAID OF SILENCE?

PART 1: SILENCE CONFRONTS


Silence draws one into an encounter. In it we hear all the noises, especially the noise from within. We gradually begin to hear the numerous voices speaking from within. Through these voices, we become conscious of our inner being. In silence, therefore, we encounter our inner self. This self-encounter can be confrontational. Could this be the reason why I am afraid of silence?


Whatever may be the answer, confrontation is not usually a pleasant experience. When confronted, we are challenged, exposed or made insecure. However, through it we learn to readjust, improve or fortify our defence. But if not properly handled it can be destructive. Who likes to be confronted? Such is the one who is not afraid of silence.


 No one is completely good and none is totally bad. The struggle lies in weakening our weaknesses and growing in virtue. But do I really want to see myself as I am? There is a certain sensation we derive from momentary escape from this naked experience of self. This sensation carries the aroma of: I am a good guy and even better than this other guy, my weaknesses are mere mistakes, I’ll improve but there is no urgency for change, I understand myself and (most probably) God understands too, what do you know about me! So there is always the tendency to shut-up the real self—to attempt an escape. The escape may seem to be succeeding but it is momentary. Sooner or later life events (including supernatural events) will intervene to expose the hidden self, to confront us. At this time, the sensation turns sour.


In silence, this deceptive sensation is easily exposed. But I enjoy something of it and it is, at least at the moment, pleasant. Why should I allow silence to stir the still water? I am afraid not only because I might be confronted with the truth I already know, but because of the demands of such realization—demands which I’m not sure I am prepared to meet at the moment. So if I can dodge this confrontational silence, I may at least continue to swim in momentary peace and self-glorification. Is this why I am afraid of silence?


The weapons I need to shoot down silence  are not far-fetched: phone, TV, computer, Newspapers, music player, radio, chartering, excessive and constant eating and drinking, procrastination and sloth, instinctive and addictive behaviour, over reactive behaviour, etc. Once silence encroaches with its confrontational attitude, only one of these weapons will suffice for me, but to ensure drastic result, at times a couple of these weapons might be employed. However, once silence is shot dead in my life, what is left within? The death of silence implies the birth of noise, which does not confront one from within but rather takes him away from himself. Therefore, a vacuum is created.


But what kind of silence am I afraid of? 


 Jude C. Nwachukwu, C.Ss.R
(My personal reflections)
Redeemer House, Ibadan,
Started writing on 4th August, 2009

 

DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU

PREFACE
They have no wine (Jn 2: 3), the gentle voice of our Mother Mary echoed into the ear of her son. Her voice carried an air of urgency and total reliance on Jesus for solution. Woman…my hour has not come yet (Jn 2:4), Jesus responded, almost to the disappointment of any onlooker. But Mary is not an onlooker! She is the mother. The rhythm of her heart resonates with that of her son. She had soaked herself into the mystery of Christ. Who else could at that time know what Jesus could do? Who could so daringly approach Him at the “not yet” hour? It is only the immaculate Mary so closely united with the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And so receiving such a response, Mary was not perturbed, not discouraged and she said to the servants, “do whatever He tells you” (Jn 2: 5).
MARY OUR MOTHER
How close is the union between a mother and her child! Their level of understanding is so deep that their communication goes deeper than words; deep calling unto deep! (Ps 42: 7). Mary the mother of Christ, the Theotokos, is equally our mother; the Mother of all believers. God has made us his adopted sons and daughters in Christ (cf. Eph 1: 4—5). And inasmuch as we do God’s will, we are brothers and sisters of the Lord (cf. Mk 3: 35). As adopted children, Christ handed Mary to us as Mother in the person of John (Jn 19: 27). See how much Jesus loves us: He emptied His whole self for us (Phil 2:7), giving us all that belongs to Him, including His mother! Thus, our interaction with the Blessed Virgin Mary must bear every characteristics of the relationship between mother and child.
The effectiveness of Mary’s motherhood to us flows directly from her union with Christ. “This union of mother with her Son in the work of salvation is made manifest from the time of Christ’s virginal conception up to his death; it is made manifest above all at the hour of His passion” (CCC 964). She submitted herself wholeheartedly to God’s will and to every prompting of the Holy Spirit. Mary cooperated by her obedience, faith, hope and burning charity to Christ’s work of redemption. She is the model of all believers; our mother in the order of grace. All generations that will proclaim God’s salvation will have Mary as their model and Mother, and call her blessed (cf. Lk 1: 48). Mary is our mother. She continues uninterruptedly to cover us under her mantle with her manifold intercessions (CCC 967—970). Her gentle motherly voice re-echoes once more in our day, almost from the depth of her silence: do whatever He tells you!
AT THE SCHOOL OF MARY
Therefore, we come to the school of Mary. As a member of the body of Christ who achieved the perfection we strive for, in Mary the Church is already all-holy (CCC 829). Full of grace (Lk 1:28), she is ever ready to train us to obtain and cooperate with God’s grace so that we too can achieve that same perfection and holiness in Christ. But do we realize how urgently we need this training?
In the feast of life, we easily run out of wine: the wine of moral courage, faith, hope and burning charity. Our relationships easily loose all their freshness and get sour. Sometimes the sweet wine of good health disappears. In some cases, the jar of the fresh wine of married life or religious commitment dries up, if not shattered! What is the result? Like the host of the wedding in Cana, we are confused, tensed and in search of hope with an eye of hopelessness. All we see at this time is emptiness and dryness. But Mary, the Mother of Perpetual Help is attending our feast! She is not a mere by-stander. She is mother wherever Christ is Savior (cf. CCC 973). So she trains us that our will may be strengthened, our faith enkindled, our hope enlivened, such that our charity becomes an oblation unto the Lord.
Hence, at the school of Mary, we are pre-disposed and guided for an overwhelming encounter with Christ. When Mary said to the servants, do whatever He tells you, she at once introduced her Son to them, calmed the heat of their hopelessness and directed their heart to the source of hope—Jesus Christ. Thus, the servants were prepared for that encounter, which would lead to the manifestation of the power of Christ and effective discipleship (cf. Jn 2: 11). What would have happened had it been the servants disregarded the Mother of Jesus? It is erroneous to claim Jesus as Savior while at the same time heaping all sorts of contempt and disrespect on His Mother. Again, we need a training at the school of the Blessed Virgin Mary at our moments of happiness and success, so that we would never get over excited and forget that it was the Almighty who has done these great things for us (cf. Lk 1: 49). Devotion to Mary in no way obscures or diminishes the unique mediation of Christ for us, but rather shows its power (cf. CCC 970).
DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU
The Virgin Mary’s voice re-echoes in our day. Her admonition reminds us that she keeps nothing to herself but as the humble handmaid of the Lord solely desires that the will of God may be done (cf. Lk 1: 38). More than ever, there is urgent need amongst us today to renew in hearts the biddings of Jesus: “Come to me” (Mt 11: 28, Jn 7: 37), “Follow me” (Lk 18: 22), “Love one another” (Jn 13: 34), “forgive those who offend you” (Mt 6: 14), etc. Authentic Christian living lies in doing the will of God as Mary did. Do whatever He tells you, Mary’s admonishes us. This implies first of all that we must listen to Him and then abandon ourselves to His influence. We must begin to dispose ourselves to the authority of the word of God, and allow it to subsume our own authority (cf. Gal 5: 16—17). Encounter with Christ does not automatically annihilate our human authority. But by continuous listening to Him and doing whatever He tells us to do, the authority of the Word refines and directs our natural inclinations.

Do whatever He tells you leads us to experience Christ even in concrete signs as in the water turned wine. Christ manifests Himself today in create signs in the Sacraments. I am the bread of life…for my flesh is real food and my blood real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me and I live in that person” (Jn 6: 35, 55—56). Christ has given us Himself in concrete forms in the sacraments, especially in the Holy Eucharist to aid us put his words in concrete actions—to do whatever He tells us. We need the sacraments to carry out this injunction, and in responding to Him accordingly, we become much more disposed to receive the sacraments.
Trained at the School of the Immaculate Mary, Our Mother of Perpetual Help, we are comforted, encourage and directed to encounter Our Lord Jesus, especially in the Breaking of Bread (Lk 24: 35). Deepened in the Sacraments, we become one heart and mind with Christ, such that what he says or commands or the authority of His word would no longer be an external force infringing us. Instead, it becomes a fire of love burning within us; impelling us from within (cf. Jer 20:9).

Written by

Jude Chinwenwa Nwachukwu, C.Ss.R
(This reflection was originally published in Plentiful Redemption, a magazine produced by Redemptorist Students, Ibadan, Nigeria. April, 2009).

MARY HAS AN ACTIVE VOICE

A flashback at my attitude towards devotion to Mary over the years, right from when I was growing up in the village, attending Bloc Rosary with my brothers and Sacred Heart with my mother till now, reveals almost a disappointing attitude. The years have been characterized by inconsistency and disproportionate commitment to devotion to Mary. But there is something that has remained consistent over these years: the trust and love that propelled the devotion. On reflection, I’ve been able to categorize my attitude towards our Mother Mary into three, each overshadowing my devotion at a particular time. These three categories I’ m about to mention are strictly Marian in character, and should together form every devotion to Mary. But the fact that I related to our Mother Mary in three distinct categories shows, not necessary growth in understanding, but a ‘shift’ in understanding.

First I related to Mary almost solely as a messenger in time of need. Devotion at this stage is geared towards ‘manipulating’ our Mother into bringing the blessings we need. Of course, she is our intercessor but still more…

The second sees Mary as a model. In fact, an idealistic figure, well portrayed and acknowledged, and deserving of honor. Instead of allowing her high virtues of influence one’s life, this idealistic attitude  tends to give her disinterested honor.

The third is when I allow the above two to influence me, allowing the mystery of the presence of the Blessed Virgin Mary and her role in salvation history to permeate my being. This is when I begin to realize that Mary has an active voice, an influential presence. She was the one who said to the Angel, “how can this come about?” (Lk 1:34). She raised her voice and proclaimed the greatness of the almighty (Lk 1:46—55). It was the Virgin Mary who directed the servants to Jesus with the sound instruction: “do whatever He tells you” (Jn 2: 5).

The experience of Mary’s active voice in our Christian journey became more compelling to me during my pastoral year. When we relate to Mary as a person—a Mother—and respond to her active voice, we begin to enter into the experiences of the servants at the wedding in Cana. Our heightened anxiety over having run out of wine—the wine of moral strength, fidelity to our commitment, empty jars of spirituality—would be calmed down. And we begin to encounter Jesus in a new way. All leads to Jesus! Jesus, our ultimate end, will refill us. And we begin too to relate to Him in a concrete way, as a person. Most of the time, the attitude we mete out to our Mother Mary is the same we transfer to Jesus.

Jude Nwachukwu, C.Ss.R

Mother of Perpetual Help Devotion

Redeemer House, Ibadan.

17/02/09

Feast of Our Mother of Perpetual Help comes up on the 27th of June. Mary our Mother, help us love Jesus as you do...

SILENCE! Shih!

 

JESUS, THE MODEL OF SELF-SACRIFICE AND BREAD OF ETERNAL LIFE

“Subsisting for a long periods solely on the reception of the Eucharist, St. Catherine of Siena prayed incessantly and suffered especially for sinners who refused to pray for themselves.”

It was after a frightened and disheartened Friday, when all hope was gone, that two of Jesus’ disciples who were on their way to Emmaus discovered the risen lord at the breaking of bread. The bread that was life giving; the bread that energizes them to carry out the Easter kerygma: that is proclamations of Jesus’ dead, resurrection and of course his appearance.

It is this bread of life that we celebrate today in our liturgy. We bring in our celebrations natural thing like water, produce of the earth like bread and wine. But in their natural symbols they are being transformed and yet remain as important examples of the universe, now graced and redeemed in Christ (SC no 7).

Bread and wine are symbols of the sacrifice, and they represent our entire lives. They can represent our giftedness, fears, insecurities, woundedness, brokenness, sinfulness and humanness. As the bread and wine are transformed and made sacred, so are we transformed and made sacred, if we unite ourselves consciously and prayerfully with these symbols of sacrifice. But now we must ask what it means to sacrifice. When we sacrifice we are giving away something that belongs to us without expecting anything in return.

A sacrifice comes from a deeper love and commitment and it expresses the true intentions of the heart. The kind of sacrifice, the meaning the object of sacrifice has to do with the person giving it, and the abandon (or lack) with which it is giving all express and reveal the true nature of the person making the sacrifice. Total respect or love demanded a total sacrifice that is giving away the most precious possession one could have, a child for instance in the case of Abraham and Isaac; God and Jesus.

What is important to realize is that when we identify with an object and perceive it as ours, it begins to matter to us what happens to it, simply because it becomes attached to our egos. It has become, unconsciously, a symbol of ourselves and so we see it as a part of our personality.

Celebrating the Eucharist means becoming poor. It means giving our lives as a gift and not receiving any “thing” back but just a relationship. It means facing the poverty of our humanity. It means letting go of our cherished values.

The sacrament of the Lord’s Supper encourages us into this kind of spiritual poverty through continuous sacrifice of our selfishness. When we continue to sacrifice more and more of ourselves and our lives to God, we begin to hold back our desire for and need of things which fill our egos by adhering to them and making us self-centered people. Freeing our dependency on things makes us empty and it is only in our emptiness that we realize our hunger and thirst for God like the deer that yearns for running stream so will our souls yearn for God (psalm 42.1-2). It is only then that we can say, “oh God, you are my God for you I long, for you my soul is thirsting…”

Self sacrifice also demands from us the awareness of how deeply we are attached to the things in our lives. It challenges us to admit our dependency on things and let go of them. It challenges us to depend ultimately on God alone.

At each Eucharist, then, Jesus calls us to celebrate with him. He calls us to sacrifice ourselves with him, as he says to each of us “do this in memory of me.” Let go of your anger in memory of me; let go your aggressiveness in memory of me; let go of your competitive attitude in memory of me; let go of your attitude of character assassination in the name of reporting brothers in memory of me; He asks us to become conscious of various parts of ourselves we have not yet given to the father, and to sacrifice them to him. He asks us to become aware of how much we depend on things to make us feel good about ourselves and to give security and meaning to our lives. When we do this, then, he will offer us the true glory that the father offered him, for when we join in his sacrifice with a all that is in us, we open ourselves to the father’s ability to transform us.

Jesus was transformed, was raised from the dead, because of the perfect way he offered his life to the father. In every Eucharistic celebration, Jesus offers the same opportunity for transformation and renewal to us in every part of our lives that we choose to sacrifice with him to our father. Normally Jesus assumes our humanity at the transubstantiation, because it is only then, that he is incarnated. Thus, the Vatican II fathers were very quick to proclaim in Ad Gentes that what was not assumed by Christ was not healed. Therefore, during communion, we go to the altar expectantly to receive a new humanity: a humanity which was once brokenness and wounded but now renewed, revived, restored, refashioned, remolded; a humanity that was deformed but now reformed and transformed.

The transformation, wholeness, healing and renewal which we experience in the Eucharistic sacrifice do not happen because God is returning a gift to us in recognition of our gift to him. Rather, they are natural result of the dynamic of every self sacrifice. For sacrificing our egos creates an emptiness that needs to be filled; a motion toward the one to whom the sacrifice is made. As we are filled with God, we can be nothing but filled with new life.

When we open ourselves to God by empting ourselves of selfishness, we enter a state of union and communion, with Jesus, his father and the Holy Spirit. The union God achieves with us therefore, causes transformation in our lives, for God is now filling what has previously been filled with ourselves.

It was this eternal bread that transformed the hopelessness of the disciples and propelled them to sacrifice their lives in the midst of persecution. It was also this eternal bread that gave them courage to testify to the resurrection and appearance of the Risen lord. In the same way, St. Catherine of Siena was sustained for several days on the holy Eucharist. Through the Eucharist, she prayed for the sick and they were healed.

Donatus Abul, C.Ss.R

Redeemer House, Ibadan, Nigeria.