Welcome to part 2 of my reflection on the silent side of human relationship. You may find this inspiring and educative. Your inputs are highly welcome, comment. If you have not read the part 1, I strongly recommend that you go through it first.This will help you to appreciate this second part more. kindly copy the link below and paste in your url
https://nwachinwe.blogspot.com.ng/2016/06/silence-in-relationship.html#links
PART II
The Dawn of
Mystery
By recognizing the recollection of the
heart—silence—as a necessary ingredient for a healthy interpersonal
relationship, we thereby acknowledge that human friendship is transcendental
i.e. it is surrounded by a cloud of mystery. Though we determine our words and
gestures, much of what transpires in silence often reveal itself. That is why
it is sometimes said that love is a
discovery. It simply happens. The condition for choosing our friends is
both in us and outside of us. Silence, in a way, becomes the pathway through
the unknown, the mystery to the known—to that determined by experience. In
other words, those aspects of our relationships which seem to be outside our
control are intermingled with our conscious expressions though silence. Hence,
silence becomes a sort of platform in which our deliberate acts of love
interact with that force of love,
which breaks in by itself. Love often dawns on us. As the relationship unfolds,
true love comes as a discovery! A relationship that is totally “calculative”
cannot be life-giving and enjoyable but burdensome.
That which is given in silence—which is not within our
immediate conscious expression but “breaks in” to form the heart in love,
represents the mystery of human
relationship. Yes, there is a transcendental dimension to our human
relations. That is why discussions about human relationship cannot be exhausted
but it remains open-ended.
Having identified the “mystery” dimension of human
relationship as revealed by silence, we now examine how it affects the quality
of our relationships. Of course, there is no doubt that only enduring qualities
can form and sustain a healthy relationship. What is it that makes two people
feel connected to each other? Can something less human have such a biding force
over two people? Where such is the case, then someone has lost his freedom! This
is something to think about to avoid the imminent relationship disaster. Silence
tells us that we should look out for “mystery qualities” (virtues). These must
exist as necessary ingredient or felt as biding force in the relationship.
But since it is still a “human” affair to which the
mystery is felt as a background force, these biding transcendental qualities
must be served on the platter of human weakness. They must exist side by side a
prominent human weakness, which tends to, but cannot overshadow them. The
mystery breaks in, silence speaks and virtue strives in the midst of the pain of being human. The survival of
the mystery quality remains the
life-line of a healthy relationship. That which is merely human, which is “verbal”,
is given meaning and durability by that which is transcendental and silent. There
is always something unspoken which keeps us in touch with our friends! A good
friend knows your strength and weakness.
While he feels the pinch of your weakness, your virtuous side carries
him on and sustains the friendship. One who accepts only your good side is not
a friend yet. And one who fuels your weakness is equally not there yet. So human
relationship becomes a meeting point, where “mystery and nature”, “strength and
weakness”, “silence and words”, are intermingled. You cannot know everything about your friend. But
you will always know enough to embrace the “unknown” about him as it unfolds. That
is why it is sometimes said that to love
is a risk.
Life is dynamic. Human relationship can either grow or
shrink. That which is given in silence—the transcendental—does not unfold at
once. The acceptance of the virtuous qualities, as mixed with human weakness,
goes through a process. Therefore, “time” is an essential quality in building a
healthy relationship. Time works with silence to gradually make the connection
that forms bidding relationship. But, how much time can one give? Enough time to
allow the mystery qualities to sink and overpower the prominent weaknesses.
Therefore, the sound of silence reveals that one has
to develop the appropriate disposition or capability before entering into a
relationship. Sometimes circumstances, such as breakups, etc, force this “training”
on us. But it would be more appropriate if we were to acquire it in a more
positive way. The building up of our inherent capacity for interpersonal
relationship becomes necessary since there is a mystery dimension to it, which
is given or revealed in silence. Above all, this capacity is enhanced when we
constantly open up ourselves to that which is transcendental and to the silence
within. Ability to relate to mystery in general and to our inner self is a sure
foundation for building the edifice of a healthy and lasting relationship.
First of all, this can be achieved through active faith, where the human person
enters into relationship with the Ultimate Mystery, God Himself. This is where
we receive the basic training and disposition for a healthy and lasting
relationship. Secondly, the mind can be thus trained by inclining it to
transcendence through study and reflection. Once the mind acquires such
orientation, it can now embrace the mystery dimension of human relationship.
Fr Jude Nwachukwu, C.Ss.R
Memorial of St Gregory the Great
September 3, 2016
Benin City, Nigeria.
